"The nice thing about masturbation is that you don’t have to dress up for it"
- Truman Capote
"I’d be more responsive if you proposed a three way than if you proposed marriage."
"gotta use the internet for more than jacking off and stalking people. there’s a lot of information on this muthafucka"
"Goes in granny panties, comes out a porn star"
"I meet the most interesting women in the mens room."