"gotta use the internet for more than jacking off and stalking people. there’s a lot of information on this muthafucka"
"The nice thing about masturbation is that you don’t have to dress up for it"
- Truman Capote
"I’d be more responsive if you proposed a three way than if you proposed marriage."
"Free porn is good. Great porn is better."
"Goes in granny panties, comes out a porn star"
- @fuck_me_pretty
"I meet the most interesting women in the mens room."
- @PuddingBoobs
"my street is always a ghost town
yet the second I start washing my car every neighbor has super important Thursday yard work"